BlogBloghttp://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2025-09-10T16:20:36ZSquarespaceADHD.....for me?http://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2025/9/8/adhdfor-me.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2025-09-08T22:20:19Z2025-09-08T22:20:19ZYou've heard the buzz word by now. ADHD. What does that even stand for? What does it mean? Isn't that something that only affects kids?

When I first began learning psychology back in 1998 (I know, foreverrrrrr ago!) the buzz about ADHD was that it was something that we saw in children, and then by some magical miracle, by the time you got into an adulthood (of which you were probably still grounded from your parents for not following one rule or another) ADHD just kinda POOOF! Was gone. I remember sitting as a fledgling college student thinking about how weird it was to me that someone just "lost" a disorder that affects their brain, that's written into their genetic code, about the time they turned 18 (ish). Our brain isn't fully developed until our early 20s. Well, as it turns out my gut was right, and science has learned that ADHD doesn't just go away when we hit adulthood. It morphes into other things.

When an adult has ADHD some of the symtpoms or tell tales can be undercover. This is especially true for women with ADHD. Girls with ADHD are significantly less often diagnosed than boys. Why? Because many girls aren't the kids in the classroom bouncing off of the walls, unable to sit still, or getting into trouble on the playground. For girls it looks more like the note that comes home from your teacher saying "your child is doing well with grades, but she talks excessively". Or in another case I can think of "Your daughter is very bright and finishes her work before most other students, but we had to move her again because she finishes her work and talks to peers around her." My family still laughs at that.

Some of the ways that ADHD shows up for girls and women are things like social anxiety, perfectionism, and RSD. RSD stands for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. If you spend time after social interactions replaying conversations and wishing you could go back in time and speak differently because you are convinced that people, even close friends or family, think you're lame (or any other negative word you want to use) or you spend a lot of time not saying things for fear of how you will be perceived by others, you may have RSD. Imposter Syndrome (feeling like no matter how much you study or work in a field you really don't know what you're doing), RSD and perfectionism are just a few ways ADHD can show up for adults. For many women. Other symptoms include:

* easily forgetting names

* often misplacing items (such as your purse or car keys)

* being overwhelmed when in environments with a lot of noise, people or activity

* being unable to read or understand direction on maps

* difficulty with math or reading comprehension

* often being late, or conversely being overly preoccupied with being early

* mood swings

* easily angered and difficulty controlling anger or frustration

* having difficulty remembering the theme of a book or movie you just read or saw

* high levels of anxiety or OCD traits

* not being able to put away that load of laundry, clean the kitchen, unload the dishwasher or other tasks         we know are important but have a hard time completing

* hyperfocus-often this is on subjects we find interesting and enjoyable. You decided to learn to knit so you       spend HOURS on Amazon researching supplies, spend money on supplies, watch 1,000 YouTube videos         about knitting, and then get done about half of a scarf, and move on to another hobby, while chastizing         yourself for spending the money on knitting

There are several other signs that ADHD may be ruling your life as well. If you feel like these describe you, therapy can be a good place to figure it out, and make a plan for change. Treating ADHD doesn't always have to mean medication (although it can). I would love to come along side you and help you manage and use the superpowers that can come with ADHD.

]]>How to keep your sanity.....inside! Part 2http://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2020/4/2/how-to-keep-your-sanityinside-part-2.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2020-04-03T01:11:59Z2020-04-03T01:11:59ZHey all! Well, here we are, days later from my last post......and still inside! Buckle up, because this ride is not over just yet, and although the shelter in place is working to reduce numbers, we still have a little way to go. So, here is part #2 of how to keep your sanity while staying inside!

4. Nutrition is important. Did you know that foods can cause inflammation, which can also cause depression and anxiety? I have heard people talk about, and have seen MANY memes about how much weight we will all gain in this process. Eating well is very important....always, but especially in times of high stress. I know that the draw to all of the comfort foods, sugary yuminess, and salty fun is strong right now. Its ok to indulge occasionally (let's be honest....chocolate is necessity sometimes), but the emphasis is on the word OCCASIONALLY. Eat healthy foods, veggies, fruit and proteins. Your body, and your brain will thank you, and you will notice you feel less overwhelmed and stressed.

5. Stay hydrated. Depression and anxiety can result from being dehyrated. Water is essential to the functioning of the brain. If you begin to feel super stressed or overwhelmed...........Drink an 8 oz glass of water. Make sure you get plenty of water all day, every day.

6. Meet up with friends or family.......ONLINE! I have family scattered throughout the US. A family member came up with a great idea......family Zoom meetings! So each Sunday, at a specific time, everyone who is available logs onto the link in Zoom, and we have a family check in. We chat, check on each other, laugh, and visit. It isn't ideal, but it can help us from feeling disconnected from others that we can't be with right now. Some platforms, such as Zoom, are even offering free meetings for people right now, and it's super easy to do. Choose any platform that meets the needs of your group. This is also great for Bible study groups, friend chats, or any other time that you would normally meet up with others.

I hope that you are staying healthy, well and home! Stayed tuned for more ideas on how to survive the shutdown!

]]>How to keep your sanity.....inside!http://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2020/3/25/how-to-keep-your-sanityinside.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2020-03-25T19:11:30Z2020-03-25T19:11:30ZGood afternoon all! By now most of us are feeling the effects of being shut inside. Some are still working, just now from home, others have had a pause put on their worklife. I think of it like this.... I am a race car driver, doing 100 mph down the highway, when all of a sudden I have to slam on my breaks to wait for a deer to cross the road, who is just standing there, staring me down.  It feels like, pretty abruptly, life came to a halt. A screeching one at that. So, how are you managing this new set of stressors that we are all experiencing. Here are a few ideas.

 

1. Keep a schedule! You may choose to sleep in a little extra, but for the most part, keep a schedule, and keep it consistent. CHANGE OUT OF YOUR PJS! There is some weird magnet between the cloth in pj pants and our couch or bed. Changing out of your pjs is imperative to being productive. Shower, comb your hair, put on your make-up, and get ready the way you normally would to leave the house.

2. Exercise-fortunately, we still have the ability to get outside and exercise. Make this part of your morning if you are able. Walk your dog, take a jog, walk with some ear buds and good music. Enjoy fresh air (and hopefully some sunshine). For those of you who can't get out because of health issues, many gyms are offering online classes. There are also great videos on Youtube and the internet that you can do along right from your living room. Schedule this at a time of day when you can get into it. Yoga would be a great thing to start right now.

3. Meditate-Meditation has been proven in research, time and time again, to have MANY positive mental and physical health benefits. It also requires us to sit still for a bit. What better time to begin your meditation practice than now, when we have time inside. You can also choose to sit outside in a chair or anywhere else. I like Headspace for meditation. There are also apps like Calm, and Youtube videos that will help you in the practice of meditation.

Those are my 3 suggestion for today. Check back here on Friday, and I will give you some other ideas of how to keep your sanity in a world that feels totally insane right now. Please remember, that we are all in the same boat. Reach out to family and friends to check in with them and get some support yourself.

Stay well everyone!

]]>Covid 19 office closurehttp://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2020/3/20/covid-19-office-closure.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2020-03-20T15:42:20Z2020-03-20T15:42:20ZGood morning!

I, like you probably are, am sitting here trying to wrap my head around the state of the world, and California right now. It seems a little surreal, and a bit overwhelming doesn't it?  Times of uncertainty bring fear, and I think all of us are feeling fear to one extent or another. When we are scared, it is usually because we feel we have no control. But, there are things we can control, even now when things feel out of control.

With the recommendations of federal, state and local authorities, and the Governor's order to shelter in place as of midnight last night, I will be moving all sessions to telephone, or video format, effective immediately. While I know that this isn't ideal for many (and I feel the same), I feel that it is in the best interest of both you and I to keep us all safe and healthy. I will be re-evaluating this on a day by day basis, based on the latest information and official information.

For video sessions, I will be using Google Duo, or Skype. While these are not HIPAA compliant platforms, they are the platforms that are most familiar to many. I aim to make the transition to telehealth as easy as possible right now. In the near future I may switch to a HIPAA complant platform, but since President Trump lifted the HIPAA restrictions on telehealth during this pandemic crisis, I feel this will be less stressful for everyone, than having to download and register something new.

I also recognize that finances are an issue for many right now, you may also be concerned about continuing your progress in sessions. For now, I will be offering 20 minute check in sessions for a fee of $30. If you want to check in, progress stress or review or build up coping tools, this may be an option for you.

For payment, since cash is not an option, I have 2 options. I can take your credit card number and run it through Square manually, as normal. I can also send a Square invoice. I do ask that Square invoices please be paid the same day as the appointment.

Your health and safety are of utmost concern. Please know that I look forward to meeting everyone back in the office, as soon as it is safe to do so. Remember to eat well, stay hydrated, take deep breaths, journal, exercise and stay well. Also remember, we are all in this together!  Smiles, Cheryl

]]>New Years Resolutionshttp://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2015/1/14/new-years-resolutions.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2015-01-14T17:46:19Z2015-01-14T17:46:19ZWelcome to 2015.  Can you believe we are nearly through the first month of the new year already?  I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that we are almost half way through another decade!  So, I hear a lot of opinions on new years resolutions.  Some are all for them and some are totally against them.  Here's my perspective.  If resolutions get you motivated to make positive changes in your life.....I'm all for it.  I personally, really like the idea of a new year and new goals.  My memory isn't all that great sometimes and often I have a hard time discerning when something occurred.  I love to start new goals at the beginning of the year so I can acurately tell when I began them.

Often times people feel pressure to start new goals.  Let me just say that having a goal is a great idea no matter what time of the year it is.  The most important part of starting a new goal, at any point in the year, is to have a system of reinforcements so that you continue to be motivated as time moves along.  This year my family and I are doing "the family jar".   We bought a cool jar and each time something memorable happens we write it down and put it in the jar.  I haven't figured out what works for my family on when we will review the jars contents yet, maybe at the end of the year.  Its a great way to acknowledge the gratitude for the blessings in our lives and a fun way to relive some good memories.

Whatever your goal is remember to keep up the motivation.  Some great ways to do that are to have a partner, friend, family member, co-worker or whoever help keep you accountable.  If your goal is to hit the gym 3 times a week, work out with a partner (PS it also makes working out more fun!), if your goal is to save more money, check out some of the charts Ive seen floating around on weekly saving plans or use a free app tool on your phone to do some budgeting.  The key to follow through with goals is to have them well planned.  Google can be a great resource to helping you plan ways to achieve goals.

So, whatever it is you want to work on.......plan it out, set your intention and get some support to get you help you reach your goal.  With some good planning and determination, nothing is impossible!

]]>Couples dealing with the loss of a childhttp://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2014/10/14/couples-dealing-with-the-loss-of-a-child.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2014-10-14T20:58:45Z2014-10-14T20:58:45ZI get asked, time and time again by people working through the loss of a child about differences in the way men and women grieve.  Now, let's first acknowledge that there are no absolutes.  Some fathers will be much more open and apparent in their display of grief, while some mothers will be more reserved and show less emotion.  First and foremost it is important to say that no matter what way a person grieves, the grief is real, painful and at times overwhelming.  Just because someone doesn't cry, or you dont see them cry, doesn't mean that they aren't in extreme amounts of pain.

Loss, whether it be a child or anyone else of importance in life, takes  huge emotional toll.  It can change lives, cause lasting depression and shift relationships.  The loss of a child can be particularly difficult on couples.  There are several reasons for this.  One, partners often differ in how they grieve.  Men typically feel the need to "be strong" for their partners, thus not showing the emotion that they are feeling.  In turn, women may feel that they didn't care as much about the child, or the loss, as they do.  I see and hear this dynamic often.  For some couples this can create a wave of resentment.  The resentment can lead to communication issues, arguments and sometimes even divorce.  It is important for couples working through loss to communicate with each other about their feelings.  It is even more important for couples to stay away from assuming how the other person feels, or what a lack of emotion or an abudance of emotion means.  It is also important for each partner to stop and acknowledge that their partner is hurting too, but may not be showing it in the same way.

I often see and hear couples say things like "well he never cries or talks about the baby so I assume that he just forgot or no longer cares".  This is often the furthest thing from the truth, but like I always say emotion ALWAYS dominates logic, every single time.  Or "I feel like she never stops crying and I don't understand why she blames herself, even the doctor said she couldn't have done anything to prevent our loss".  Many women blame themselves for the loss of their child.  Even women who KNOW that the loss isn't their fault.  Its a natural part of the process of grief.  We like to have our "why" questions answered, even if it means blaming ourselves.

The loss of a child, or any grief, is often complicated and painful.  If you and your partner feel like you have gotten off track or are heading down a bad road due to loss, counseling can help.  Seek out a qualified counselor who treats couples and treats grief.  The sooner the better to help you both understand how to cope....together!

]]>10 ways to honor a child that has diedhttp://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2014/10/13/10-ways-to-honor-a-child-that-has-died.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2014-10-13T19:32:19Z2014-10-13T19:32:19Zhttp://stillstandingmag.com/2014/10/10-ways-honor-friends-child-died-october/?utm_source=feedblitz&utm_medium=FeedBlitzRss&utm_campaign=stillstandingmagazine

]]>Do you feel the holiday blues?http://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2014/10/8/do-you-feel-the-holiday-blues.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2014-10-08T16:51:57Z2014-10-08T16:51:57ZFall is here!  Along with pumpkin spice lattes and sweaters come the holidays and family gatherings.  So as the song sings "Its the most wonderful time of the year" right?  RIGHT?  Well the real answer is 'not always'.  The holidays, for many people are a time where depression and anxiety are at an all time high.  Crowds of people at the stores, commitments to family gatherings, financial concerns, and many other factors often leave people feeling overwhelmed and depressed.  Often times the holidays kick grief into high gear as well.  What can you do?  One thing I encourage people to do is have an air-tight self-care routine.  Taking care of yourself during the holiday season is essential to holiday survival.  Counseling can be a great step in the direction of self-care and getting through the holiday blues.  You can find great therapists at www.psychologytoday.com or any other therapist listing.  Don't hesitate to call.  Don't let the holiday season feeling like you got run over by Santa's sleigh, call today!

]]>International Wave of Light coming up Oct 15th at 7 pmhttp://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2014/10/7/international-wave-of-light-coming-up-oct-15th-at-7-pm.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2014-10-07T17:10:18Z2014-10-07T17:10:18Z

]]>1 in 4http://counselinginmodesto.com/blog/2014/10/1/1-in-4.htmlCheryl Fink, LMFT2014-10-01T17:00:02Z2014-10-01T17:00:02ZWelcome to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  This month we recognize Anti-bullying Awareness, Breast Cancer Awareness, Domestic Violence Awareness and Spina-Bifida Awareness, among others.  Nearest and dearest to my heart, because all of the awarenesses are dear to me, but nearest and dearest is Pregnancy and Infant Loss, known in the loss community as PAIL.  1 in 160 pregnancies end in stillbirth.  Sometimes the reason for the loss is known, other times it is not.  The fact that remains the same, no matter how the loss happens or at what week in the pregnancy, is the emotional devastation that comes with the loss.  Many families feel blind sided by the loss.  With the loss comes the potential for depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress, martial problems, relationship problems and other emotional issues.  Throughout this month I will update this blog with different aspects of dealing with the loss of a baby.  The most important part of dealing with loss is to have a good support network.  Reaching out for help can be exhausting and scary, but for many it makes all of the difference in their journey of grief.  Locally, here in Modesto we have H.A.N.D Helping After Neonatal Death.  You can visit their website at www.handonline.org.  Joining a support group, for many, is a necessary lifeline in dealing with grief.

]]>